Things that should be forbidden

1. Groups of fat women in coaches going to see Billy Elliott at the Victoria Palace Theatre.
2. Selling anything made of Lycra to a man.
3. Halloween trick or treaters
4. That "tricky time" song, what is it..."say hello" or something filthy
5. Trans fats
6. Mark Knopfler
7. Gatwick airport
8. Jade from America's next top model, dirty ugly slag.
9. The end of the weekend
10. My expanding waistline.

In a totally self absorbed moment, I have rightly or wrongly finally decided that I am no longer going to be able to pass myself off as naturally stunningly gorgeous in this town, and have enlisted the assistance of a heavy duty anti aging agent. I'm not talking about slipping into a booze enduced coma, or even attempting a futurama type head transplant thereby living my life with my head in a jar like Joan Rivers is destined to do. No, I have gone and purchased product from our wonderful French cosmetics house L'Oreal, because fuck youse all, I'm worth it too.

Now, as I was parading through the aisles of Galleries Lafayette on the weekend, I spotted the new aging formula lotion that they are currently plugging on TV, on posters at the gym, on iTunes, in the Metro, on the fluff under my bed...and I thought, "oooooooohhhh Eddie, you're SO worth it. Tarry, delve at once into thy pouch and surrender a few golden florins for the transaction".

Now, being France, and a French product, would you expect that the type on the bottles and/or the instructions inside might be in English? Well, yes, for christs sake. I do. But that's because I'm a friggen lunatic at the best of times. I mean, I actually took a Barbie and Ken doll on holiday and all around Rio de Janeiro once.

So now I have this lovely product, and I dont know what it is, or what it does. But its fabulous and I feel wonderful. The lable claims that it will STOP RIDES. What rides? The mad mouse? The rotor? The ferris wheel? Sigh, I don't know. As long as it doesn't make my ears drop off, limit my ability to judge others, or sing showtunes, or squash my libido... HA!

xx