A Million Dollar home in the sun

Recently I watched a funny little show on Lifestyle TV where some overtanned crumpet with a little bit of real estate nouse took cashed up Chavs over to some unsuspecting Mediterranean island and bought them an overpriced piece of crap real estate.

Normally, this is the sort of TV I squeal with delight to when it comes on, almost as much as Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman. However, considering my line of work, this show actually means something to me, and frankly, I have never looked good in a frilly bonnet and jodhpurs.

I thought it particularly frightening that on this show, there wasn't a single panarama of the village or town that was about to be infected with a new level of two star residents. It was as if even the production house or the TV channel was embarrassed by the reality show's underwhelming 'stars'. And what an overwhelming quantity of these underwhelming people abound in the UK and especially on reality TV here. So you've got to feel sorry for the local residents in these sleepy towns when plane loads of fish and chippies descend every summer for sun, cocktails and the delusion that they're Posh and Becks in their tropical versions of Beckingham Palace.

Upon my return from Cyprus yesterday I came to this sad realisation, which hit me with a thump to the back of the head, harder than the 5 ouzo and cokes I'd had on Sunday night. When asked by my collegues how the trip was, I have had to really think about whether I enjoyed it or not, and the truth is, I didn't really enjoy this place. Not because of the local people, or the local culture, which I'm sure are all wonderful, but because of what it has become.

I really feel for the peoples of these sunny sleepy seaside towns, that yearly become overwhelmed with with the legions of such underwhelming British people. They come to their shores and park themselves in the most disgustingly designed, poorly constructed villas, screaming obscentities and drinking beer from 8.00am daily.

Then in the cooler months, the scores of filthy cheap tourist trattorias that line the main streets struggle to make a few dollars in the off season ghost town market.

Though I'm sure the merchants all love the respite and the quiet that the cooler months bring.

When I asked my client, who is attempting to build a five star resort facility here, about the most difficult thing about building in this climate, his response is that it is just so sad to see his town becoming so ugly with the mass construction of poor quality villa developments. In turn, the expectation of the quality of everything suffers. It must be really awful to see your heritage sink under a pile of crisp wrappers and tanning lotion bottles.

Oh well, once fuel prices start to skyrocket, we wont be able to fly anywhere anymore, so I guess the prognosis might just be looking up!