Things that should be forbidden, Part 2
Following my trip to Dublin, I have been able to compile this whole list from my 2.5 hours in the airport waiting for my Ryanair flight home. Read on, you will be amazed, you may laugh, you may cry...
1. His and Her matching fleecy print jersy, with letters on them like, FUBU or Armani, or Duffer. Because you look like one. FORBIDDEN!
2. Long, shoulder blade length blowdried hair, hair pulled into a top tail and fanned out around the shoulders on a redhaired MAN with MATCHING COLONEL SANDERS GOATEE. If you do need to look like Liam Neeson in Star Wars, wear a cloak and hood, not a vinyl jacket with RED BULL all over it. FORBIDDEN!
3. Fat short pushy women walking and pushing whilst they text or speak on the phone. One such actually rolled her eyes angrily at ME after bashing into me whilst she was texting. FORBIDDEN!!! (AND FUCK YOU BETCH!)
4. McDonalds - I refer to having paid 6.40 Euro for a large big mac meal, only to open my bag to find the large chip box only half full, and my large Fanta only 2/3 filled. FORBIDDEN EVER AGAIN.
5. Stag and hen nights abroad...oooohhhhhh *FORBIDDEN*
6. People who eat noisily. I don't want to hear you masticating thanks very much. VERBOTEN!!
7. Getting drunk in the airport lounge then not turning up to your plane after you have checked in, leaving everyone sitting on the tarmac whilst they unload your bags. ARSE HOLES. FORBIDDEN!
8. Not closing the door when you're in a toilet cubicle, and then not flushing the toilet when you leave. FILTHY FUCKING PIG.
9. Warm beer FORBIDDEN
10. Airport check in desks TOTALLY FORBIDDEN (get this) now RYANAIR bless, do internet check in, thereby removing the need to even approach the check in counter with the wailing children and brain dead morons who obviously havn't travelled before, and need to repack their bags at the counter because they didn't realise you couldn't take fireworks and guns and industrial poisons in your bags.
I do like to be able to travel cheaply around. But the advent of the cheap airline has obviously signaled the end to flying being a glamorous way to travel. Now, I wouldn't mind from time to time paying a little more and being able to fly from, say, Heathrow terminal 2, where good looking, well heeled Euro stars swan elegantly from Designer Boutiques to Jewellery Merchant, mildly sipping on their latte's or their flute of Crystal as they wait to board. There are no Bugger Kings, MacClown or Fried Colonel in THIS terminal. No siree. It's duty free style all year round.
But alas, sometimes one does need to muck in and lend a hand to keeping the cheap n'nasties up in the sky. Next time I'm travelling on a no reserveed seating flight, I'm going to remember to check online, go straight to the gate and get ON the plane first and off the plane first, all the while a vision of Sophia Loren or Audrey Hepburn.
Now THATS glamour.
1. His and Her matching fleecy print jersy, with letters on them like, FUBU or Armani, or Duffer. Because you look like one. FORBIDDEN!
2. Long, shoulder blade length blowdried hair, hair pulled into a top tail and fanned out around the shoulders on a redhaired MAN with MATCHING COLONEL SANDERS GOATEE. If you do need to look like Liam Neeson in Star Wars, wear a cloak and hood, not a vinyl jacket with RED BULL all over it. FORBIDDEN!
3. Fat short pushy women walking and pushing whilst they text or speak on the phone. One such actually rolled her eyes angrily at ME after bashing into me whilst she was texting. FORBIDDEN!!! (AND FUCK YOU BETCH!)
4. McDonalds - I refer to having paid 6.40 Euro for a large big mac meal, only to open my bag to find the large chip box only half full, and my large Fanta only 2/3 filled. FORBIDDEN EVER AGAIN.
5. Stag and hen nights abroad...oooohhhhhh *FORBIDDEN*
6. People who eat noisily. I don't want to hear you masticating thanks very much. VERBOTEN!!
7. Getting drunk in the airport lounge then not turning up to your plane after you have checked in, leaving everyone sitting on the tarmac whilst they unload your bags. ARSE HOLES. FORBIDDEN!
8. Not closing the door when you're in a toilet cubicle, and then not flushing the toilet when you leave. FILTHY FUCKING PIG.
9. Warm beer FORBIDDEN
10. Airport check in desks TOTALLY FORBIDDEN (get this) now RYANAIR bless, do internet check in, thereby removing the need to even approach the check in counter with the wailing children and brain dead morons who obviously havn't travelled before, and need to repack their bags at the counter because they didn't realise you couldn't take fireworks and guns and industrial poisons in your bags.
I do like to be able to travel cheaply around. But the advent of the cheap airline has obviously signaled the end to flying being a glamorous way to travel. Now, I wouldn't mind from time to time paying a little more and being able to fly from, say, Heathrow terminal 2, where good looking, well heeled Euro stars swan elegantly from Designer Boutiques to Jewellery Merchant, mildly sipping on their latte's or their flute of Crystal as they wait to board. There are no Bugger Kings, MacClown or Fried Colonel in THIS terminal. No siree. It's duty free style all year round.
But alas, sometimes one does need to muck in and lend a hand to keeping the cheap n'nasties up in the sky. Next time I'm travelling on a no reserveed seating flight, I'm going to remember to check online, go straight to the gate and get ON the plane first and off the plane first, all the while a vision of Sophia Loren or Audrey Hepburn.
Now THATS glamour.
posted by Eddie Knittster at 10:42 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home