Janet vs Carmel
I have been pulled up by my blogging buddy Bretty on a technicality regarding Lynn Postlethwaite. Rather than have to explain, I am going to recite the transcript of the conversation of the cheese sandwich sketch. It originated in the D-Generation series 2 on the ABC c. 1984/5.
This, i might add, comes verbatum, and completely from my memory.
Lynn (Magda Szubanski) chatting to Carmel (Jane Turner) over the kitchen table over a lot of dried up cups of coffee and an old cream slice or two. Both smoking and picking their teeth.
Lynn: "Tired, tired tired tired"
Carmel: "Oh what is it THIS toime Lynn?"
Lynn: "I told about the other day.."
Carmel: "Yes, you did"
Lynn: "I'm sitting at the end of an exHAUSTING day, talking to Janet about my veins.."
Carmel: "mmm?"
Lynn: "and who should call from upstairs, but his ROYAL highness, king ROLY the first."
Carmel: "mmm."
Lynn: "and you know what he was after this toime Carmel?"
Carmel: "A cheese sandwich?"
Lynn: "A CHEESE SANDWICH. Carmel, is it worth my while telling you this, or are you going to be constantly interrupting me?"
Carmel: "Well Lynn, you have told me this before."
Lynn: "Anyway, he wanted a CHEESE SANDWICH right there and then. So I said, Love, you KNOW we have Jan and Fred Nettlebeck over on Tuesday, and you KNOW they're big cheese eaters."
Carmel: "mmm yes they are"
Lynn: "and you would THINK that would stop my husband? OHHH no. He wanted a CHEESE SANDWICH. SO I said, YES, Roly, I WILL make you a CHEESE SANDWICH, and I WILL lug it up three flights of stairs to watch you SIT there and PICK at it.. "
(big suck on the cig)
"But PLOISE pet, I said, LOVE, I said PET I said LOVE I Said PET I aid LOVE. I am NOT at your beck and call, to be making you CHEESE SANDWICHES, every time you decide to LOLL around in bed with terminal CANCER.
TRY and think of someone OTHER than yourself for once."
(big suck on the cig)
And do you know what he did then Carmel?"
Carmel: "And what's that Lynn?"
Lynn: "He grunted. He grunted, turned his face to the wall and DIED right there and then." (big suck on the cig)
Carmel: "Ohhh, its tragic really.."
Lynn: "mm, It's the Nettlebecks I feel sorry for. No CHEESE left."
FIN.
There may be a few words wrong here and there, but I have been reciting that sketch for the last 20 years. Ask anyone from my school, I have more than one alibi on this one.
Next week, The Lipstick sketch, where Mrs Irene Maverick from Gladstone in Queensland presents her VERY interesting collection of LIPSTICKS.
BYE!
This, i might add, comes verbatum, and completely from my memory.
Lynn (Magda Szubanski) chatting to Carmel (Jane Turner) over the kitchen table over a lot of dried up cups of coffee and an old cream slice or two. Both smoking and picking their teeth.
Lynn: "Tired, tired tired tired"
Carmel: "Oh what is it THIS toime Lynn?"
Lynn: "I told about the other day.."
Carmel: "Yes, you did"
Lynn: "I'm sitting at the end of an exHAUSTING day, talking to Janet about my veins.."
Carmel: "mmm?"
Lynn: "and who should call from upstairs, but his ROYAL highness, king ROLY the first."
Carmel: "mmm."
Lynn: "and you know what he was after this toime Carmel?"
Carmel: "A cheese sandwich?"
Lynn: "A CHEESE SANDWICH. Carmel, is it worth my while telling you this, or are you going to be constantly interrupting me?"
Carmel: "Well Lynn, you have told me this before."
Lynn: "Anyway, he wanted a CHEESE SANDWICH right there and then. So I said, Love, you KNOW we have Jan and Fred Nettlebeck over on Tuesday, and you KNOW they're big cheese eaters."
Carmel: "mmm yes they are"
Lynn: "and you would THINK that would stop my husband? OHHH no. He wanted a CHEESE SANDWICH. SO I said, YES, Roly, I WILL make you a CHEESE SANDWICH, and I WILL lug it up three flights of stairs to watch you SIT there and PICK at it.. "
(big suck on the cig)
"But PLOISE pet, I said, LOVE, I said PET I said LOVE I Said PET I aid LOVE. I am NOT at your beck and call, to be making you CHEESE SANDWICHES, every time you decide to LOLL around in bed with terminal CANCER.
TRY and think of someone OTHER than yourself for once."
(big suck on the cig)
And do you know what he did then Carmel?"
Carmel: "And what's that Lynn?"
Lynn: "He grunted. He grunted, turned his face to the wall and DIED right there and then." (big suck on the cig)
Carmel: "Ohhh, its tragic really.."
Lynn: "mm, It's the Nettlebecks I feel sorry for. No CHEESE left."
FIN.
There may be a few words wrong here and there, but I have been reciting that sketch for the last 20 years. Ask anyone from my school, I have more than one alibi on this one.
Next week, The Lipstick sketch, where Mrs Irene Maverick from Gladstone in Queensland presents her VERY interesting collection of LIPSTICKS.
BYE!
Labels: MADNESS
posted by Eddie Knittster at 8:53 pm
2 Comments:
Thanks so much for posting this.
I had been searching for this clip on You Tube for years now without any joy. It's definatey one of the best. There was another skit as well. Lynne's mother thinks she is out to get her..... all because she (Lynne) slipped a couple of euthanesia phamphlets under her door. Lynne says....So I said as I said in the court. The Gazebo, the inground pool and the Surfers apartment all came out of that lucky streak I had at the pokies, It had nothing what so ever to do with your pension cheques.
"For once in your life think of someone other than yourself" actually :) brilliant otherwise!!
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