Attack of the Krispy Kremes

As I hurtle underground to get back to my fabulous new Sony Vaio and the treasure trove of delights within facebook, I am sharply reminded by the strain against my belt by my fabulously rotund Porte cochere that it has been another day away from the gym.

In synch with the horror of my rapidly evolving apron, I am starting to feel like I'm letting team gay down by getting a little portly. i guess if the weather had been better I might not feel so much like I was still in hibernation. all excuses I know.

What I cant abide though are people who have birthdays and feel the need to bring to work not one but two! BOXES of Krispy Kremes for afternoon tea.

So on top of last nights bangers and mash I now have 2 fat filled donuts to work off. Thanks a lot Mr Krispy you big nasty fatty Krispy thing you.

Pee Wee Herman - Tequila

This brings back so many memories.
I strangely relate to Pee wee Herman. We have similar police mug shots too.

The Pointer Sisters - Automatic

This one is dedicated to Ryan who I just know will be SO jealous to see that he wasn't the first person to do high kicks at the disco.

This is just SO camp. One of my favourite songs ever, and a regular on my ipod playlist. Just check out the audience moves.

Technology 101

So perhaps my shift out of blog space has been caused by an overwhelming need to pay much needed attention to my life, rather than being plugged into the USB of the fella's laptop.

It was revealed to me that I was spending too much time on his laptop and so I was promptly told to 'go and get your own bloody laptop, wouldja.'

Well, fair enough, it was about time.

In order to procure this splendid piece of new technology, I enlisted the assistance of my uber geek friend Scott (with the lot). We spent a good couple of days scanning the best deals online and came up with a plan.

I was meant to go pounding the pavement looking for bargains along TCR ( for those not London savvy, that's Tottenham Court Road ). Then we could compare prices online and would have had the chance to have seen, fondled, admired and potentially broken a machine in preparation for receiving my own via delivery some time in the future.

The worst thing about this is that I'm a terrible impulse shopper and need instant gratification. Walking? Window shopping? waiting? that's a big www.no if you ask me chaps.

Along with my fabulous new sony vaio I also went and got myself a new windows phone. it's really a little mobile computer with a qwerty keyboard and all. the worst thing about it is typing with the interpreting text on. it makes for funny reading.

So now, my dear blogging community, i find myself writing my blog entries whilst on the tube which, apparently, is the best thing to do. I promise to be fresh and regular from now on, and thanks to a heightened sense of annoyance, I'm sure I'll be lots more evil.

H.R. Pufnstuf Intro

I think my favourite show ever. I recall about 10 years ago leading a singalong at the Beresford hotel after a particularly drunken mardi gras. Couldn't believe I knew all the words, and so did half the bar!

duran duran my own way

For some reason Duran Duran are quite ashamed of this. I don't know why. I think its utterly BRILL. Who hasn't seen my rendition of this with my karaoke violin?

This song brought me into adolescence.

Brighton Pride

 

Look at us, SO proud.

5 things that annoy me about the tube today

1. people who 'plop' down on the seat next to you with their full weight sending you flying huckleberry hound style out of your chair.
2. placing your waterbottle/used paper/chocolate bar wrapper/kfc bag behind me on the window cill is not only litter, it's intrusive and rude. trash is what trash is, and you should know.
3. permed hair.
4. luggage during peak hour. mm i believe that i have touched on this before. the annoyance of tourists in peak hour is bad enough when they crowd the doors with thier cases or packs, but when the train pulls onto the platform and the doors open, this is not the cue to step off the carriage and stop, look around for the exit/partner right behind you/waterbottle/piece of your common sense you dropped on the floor etc. look around you, idiot, there are 10 thousand people trying to get on and off this train. just MOVE IT!
5. people who step on my shoes while I'm sitting. um, my feet are taking up this piece of floor right now. I KNOW the carriage is full, but i have to put my feet somewhere too, and although i can get them behind my ears, now isn't really the right time, and besides, you're wearing the wrong cologne.

NHS souffle

You will need:
1 really really genuine complaint
Tables, chairs and a big carton of toys.
25 to 30 fairly unwell and irritated people
Endless patience
An LCD notice board.
A hot suny day
3 hours to waste
A small waiting room
42 small children
small plastic projectiles ie blocks.
an Ipod with loud speakers.
A computer, perhaps 2 or more just in case.

to make:

1. prepare your workspace by arranging chairs and toys in random criss cross pattern around room.
2. scatter people and children randomly around room. take care to arrange older and younger children around the toy carton for maximum conflict opportunity.
3. Add a big computer failure without back up (see, that second one would have come in handy). Simmer patience.
4. look for parents of children in play area. if none around because as you suspect they have left them here for the day, then turn ipod up and breathe deeply.
5. check ailment and see if it's really at all that bad. If swallowing feels like eating barbed wire, then keep in room until called on LCD screen.
6. check patience against. If thin then adjust ipod
7. close all windows and doors to room and arm children with projectiles. cook on hot summer day until called or demented, which ever comes quickest.

Theological Think Tank no. 1

For some unknown reasons, the gods above have decided to punish me. Is it not enough that they have infected the good earth with Lindsay Lohan, Jana Pitman and the Hewitt-Cartwrights, that they have now gone and taken away my only morning joy (other than that other morning joy I receive daily courtesy of my new delivery of educational material from California).

The bastards have gone and removed the AMT coffee cart from Victoria station.

Apart from the fact that the coffee is the most decent cup available within a 10 mile radius, (in this big international city, who would think?) the coffee is made with ethical beans, meaning that communities haven't suffered because of the despicable plot by starbucks to take over the world with jugs of tepid lattes. (Barry Humphries refers to it not as coffee, but as 'brown drink').

So based on this argument, I propose that the gods really don't give a toss about us, if, in fact they exist at all.

Amen