The EYES can see

My small panda like cat often says to me,

"Daddy, am I pretty?"

Well, hun, I paid a small fortune to bring you from Australia to the England. I wouldn't have bothered if you looked anything like one of those plus twelves in the latest Kate Moss Collection.

But back to me. I can see.

And I can see you.

Lasic surgery is not for the faint hearted. For starters, it costs alot. And when you get it done, it smells.

Then when the anaesthetic wears off it hurts.

But after the small discomfort, its the best thing you would ever do.

I can see ....

And I can see you. And EVERYTHING inbetween.

Election time

The race for the US presidential office is really a no brainer, it would seem.

I mean, who's going to vote for Moose and Squirrel?

Tighten the belts

The paper says we're officially in a recession now. Well, I can say then that I'm glad I just sold my house for a tidy profit.

And I guess this is the wrong time to have a barnie with the boss, hey.

So I think I might start investigating different ways to tighten the belt, in a new special edition recession blog. I mean I am half Scot after all, and us kilt wearing folk DO know how to squeeze that last drop out of the Coolabah 2L Moselle flask.

The Miracle of Science

So I passed by this place in Goodge street the other day, ok a bit out of my usual London journey. And there were all these chinese athletes milling around.

I am a bit of an Olympics lover, so my interest was piqued, to say the least.

Aren't youse meant to be training for the greater glory of the empire?

Well, they were getting their eyes done at the lasic surgery. Just to be at our best, one of them told me.

OOOh, me too?

So I got my eyes done.

MY GOD it hurt. but i can see now, and im sure im going to win a gold medal somewhere...

Berlin

Welcome Home James

Been out to dinner this evening in with James and The BF for a lovely dinner. Having an interesting recap of the weekend's festivities in Berlin. WOW what a place, and wow what an amazing club, snax.

oooh we were the only ones behaving, because, we have class.

Its Official

1. Londoners are the rudest people on the planet
2. Jane Turner IS the funniest person alive (like DUH..)
3. Mrs Pussy tummycurtins is the cutest cat in the world
4. Lost is the best show in tv right now
5. I am totally crap at this blog and no one really should read it. I mean, how much facebooking can anyone possibly do? I might be going for the record.

i@ll keep them short and regular from now on.

Happy new year BLOGGERZ!!!

Wow!

I've been so preoccupied with Facebook that my relationship with this lovely pussy page has soooo been neglected.

Well, one of my many new year's resolutions (of which there are many, all about me) is to ensure that I blog more often. Because, it's probably the most selfless thing in my life that I do.

HA!

So getting in last night from a FOUL 30 plus hour long haul flight from Melbourne, Aust-twaiw-ia, I find myself awake at 3.00am pondering life's little mysteries, like, how those little plastic collar stiffeners ALWAYS manage to clog up the lint filter in the washer, facebooking like crazy and downloading my favourite episodes of Jamie Summers on utorrent.

Waiting for the offie downstairs to open so i can get some bread for some toast. Either that or its leftover biriani.

Mrs Pussy has had her own adventure whilst we've been gone, but I will let her tell you all about it herself. Needless to say, she looks red carpet, Oscar gown ready!

GO MRS PTC!

ciao for now.

Alison Arngrim

OMG how much did you just LOVE Nelly Oleson!

Free Schapelle

Guilty or innocent,
http://www.schapellecorbytours.com/

this has got to be in breach of some kind of convention.

really appalling here.

SpiderPig FULL version! (from simpsons movie)

best.

Blogger Buzz

" a top up?"

" oh go on"

After a couple of beers with my favourite work collegue, Celia, I'm sitting in my living room on a Monday night being accused by my flatmate Fiona as being a Scrabulous jinx.

Celia and I have been chatting about being god parents and the new wage structure of the tube drivers. Can you belive that they earn £37 K plus 10 weeks holiday?

What am I doing with my life?

AH Fiona has gotten onto Scrabulous and beaten me to death with "PONG".

My previous word was "RAVE".

We're a classy lot.

Duran Duran - Careless Memories

Who's the hot model in this clip? anyone know?

Strike, you're out

Perhaps yesterday was an omen. 'Don't go on the tube' it warned 'your life will be irreversibly ruined'... I'm sure I checked my horoscope on facebook this week and there was no mention of the tube strike, nor did it sage on the mega pain in the arse everyone who commutes in London will no doubt be enduring right now.

I wonder whether its worth actually going back over the last few days of horoscopes and seeing if at any time. any of these soothsayers soothed how fucked off we're all likely to be by the end of this week.

I read somewhere this afternoon that we could be looking at this lasting a couple of weeks. And what's friggen Ken doing about it? hmmm? The mayors office is strangely quiet for a change.

Seriously though, I would sack the lot of them, these tfl bunch. There are enough willing workers in London and the Brits sadly are a lazy mob. In fact I wouldn't mind paying the ninety pounds my monthly ticket cost me if I knew that the person who was driving me at a million miles an hour through to bowels of this great city actually enjoyed his job as much as I loved mine.

So now we're all catching the bus home. All together, all at the same time.

Really, there is only one decent method of travel in London, and it's called the Black cab.

The shitty week begins...

The shitty week begins.

So life goes on huh? I guess it does. Not content with having to work on Sunday, today I seem to be unnaturally anxious about my job, my life, my relationship, and increasingly, my sanity.

After a lovely afternoon where we had a couple of drinks at the absolut ice bar (yes, complete with thermal ponchos, mittens and glasses made of frozen water in which a caccophony of crisp cocktails spat and sizzled) and a brief dance along the masala mile that had transformed Regents street, we found ourselves yet again languishing beer in hand outside the sticky windows of Rupert Street in Soho.

My natural instinct in these situations is to be completely obsessed by the passing trade, after drinking a skinful, talking and gesticulating wildly to anyone and everyone who will listen, about a myriad of topics that generally revolve around me. I think this instinct comes from years of drunken laneway recovery parties in Sydney, with the divine Miss H by my side, conducting vox pops and stealing peoples party whistles and glow sticks, covertly disposing of them in the name of all things good and decent. There should be a safety warning in all bars and clubs around the world regarding serving me beer.

So back to yesterday, and on this particularly heady afternoon full of beer, yumcha and vodka, I launched myself upon the unsuspecting crowd of like minded Sunday revellers hovering expectantly like hungry bees around the open doors of the soho honeypots.

What I didn't expect was to run into a lovely couple whom we had befriended over a year ago in Montreal whilst attending the cities gay pride parade. We had spent many fun hours with these lovely boys in various bars around Montreal during our two week holiday there, and seeing them on the street in London was such a treat, even though it felt like no time had passed at all.

'Right' says me 'I think it was my shout' ....

I so wish this morning was as delightful.

Awakened to the tickles and purrs of the little Mrs Pussy Tummycurtins, After the busiest sleep imaginable, my lateness in getting out the door was soon after rewarded by a hideously crowded tube where in a last ditch attempt to jump between carriages to get a seat, I found myself quite embarrassingly tripping over the threshold onto the platforms as the doors slammed shut and the train breezed off without me on it. I swear someone laughed and waved to me too. Bitch.

Attack of the Krispy Kremes

As I hurtle underground to get back to my fabulous new Sony Vaio and the treasure trove of delights within facebook, I am sharply reminded by the strain against my belt by my fabulously rotund Porte cochere that it has been another day away from the gym.

In synch with the horror of my rapidly evolving apron, I am starting to feel like I'm letting team gay down by getting a little portly. i guess if the weather had been better I might not feel so much like I was still in hibernation. all excuses I know.

What I cant abide though are people who have birthdays and feel the need to bring to work not one but two! BOXES of Krispy Kremes for afternoon tea.

So on top of last nights bangers and mash I now have 2 fat filled donuts to work off. Thanks a lot Mr Krispy you big nasty fatty Krispy thing you.

Pee Wee Herman - Tequila

This brings back so many memories.
I strangely relate to Pee wee Herman. We have similar police mug shots too.

The Pointer Sisters - Automatic

This one is dedicated to Ryan who I just know will be SO jealous to see that he wasn't the first person to do high kicks at the disco.

This is just SO camp. One of my favourite songs ever, and a regular on my ipod playlist. Just check out the audience moves.

Technology 101

So perhaps my shift out of blog space has been caused by an overwhelming need to pay much needed attention to my life, rather than being plugged into the USB of the fella's laptop.

It was revealed to me that I was spending too much time on his laptop and so I was promptly told to 'go and get your own bloody laptop, wouldja.'

Well, fair enough, it was about time.

In order to procure this splendid piece of new technology, I enlisted the assistance of my uber geek friend Scott (with the lot). We spent a good couple of days scanning the best deals online and came up with a plan.

I was meant to go pounding the pavement looking for bargains along TCR ( for those not London savvy, that's Tottenham Court Road ). Then we could compare prices online and would have had the chance to have seen, fondled, admired and potentially broken a machine in preparation for receiving my own via delivery some time in the future.

The worst thing about this is that I'm a terrible impulse shopper and need instant gratification. Walking? Window shopping? waiting? that's a big www.no if you ask me chaps.

Along with my fabulous new sony vaio I also went and got myself a new windows phone. it's really a little mobile computer with a qwerty keyboard and all. the worst thing about it is typing with the interpreting text on. it makes for funny reading.

So now, my dear blogging community, i find myself writing my blog entries whilst on the tube which, apparently, is the best thing to do. I promise to be fresh and regular from now on, and thanks to a heightened sense of annoyance, I'm sure I'll be lots more evil.

H.R. Pufnstuf Intro

I think my favourite show ever. I recall about 10 years ago leading a singalong at the Beresford hotel after a particularly drunken mardi gras. Couldn't believe I knew all the words, and so did half the bar!

duran duran my own way

For some reason Duran Duran are quite ashamed of this. I don't know why. I think its utterly BRILL. Who hasn't seen my rendition of this with my karaoke violin?

This song brought me into adolescence.

Brighton Pride

 

Look at us, SO proud.

5 things that annoy me about the tube today

1. people who 'plop' down on the seat next to you with their full weight sending you flying huckleberry hound style out of your chair.
2. placing your waterbottle/used paper/chocolate bar wrapper/kfc bag behind me on the window cill is not only litter, it's intrusive and rude. trash is what trash is, and you should know.
3. permed hair.
4. luggage during peak hour. mm i believe that i have touched on this before. the annoyance of tourists in peak hour is bad enough when they crowd the doors with thier cases or packs, but when the train pulls onto the platform and the doors open, this is not the cue to step off the carriage and stop, look around for the exit/partner right behind you/waterbottle/piece of your common sense you dropped on the floor etc. look around you, idiot, there are 10 thousand people trying to get on and off this train. just MOVE IT!
5. people who step on my shoes while I'm sitting. um, my feet are taking up this piece of floor right now. I KNOW the carriage is full, but i have to put my feet somewhere too, and although i can get them behind my ears, now isn't really the right time, and besides, you're wearing the wrong cologne.

NHS souffle

You will need:
1 really really genuine complaint
Tables, chairs and a big carton of toys.
25 to 30 fairly unwell and irritated people
Endless patience
An LCD notice board.
A hot suny day
3 hours to waste
A small waiting room
42 small children
small plastic projectiles ie blocks.
an Ipod with loud speakers.
A computer, perhaps 2 or more just in case.

to make:

1. prepare your workspace by arranging chairs and toys in random criss cross pattern around room.
2. scatter people and children randomly around room. take care to arrange older and younger children around the toy carton for maximum conflict opportunity.
3. Add a big computer failure without back up (see, that second one would have come in handy). Simmer patience.
4. look for parents of children in play area. if none around because as you suspect they have left them here for the day, then turn ipod up and breathe deeply.
5. check ailment and see if it's really at all that bad. If swallowing feels like eating barbed wire, then keep in room until called on LCD screen.
6. check patience against. If thin then adjust ipod
7. close all windows and doors to room and arm children with projectiles. cook on hot summer day until called or demented, which ever comes quickest.

Theological Think Tank no. 1

For some unknown reasons, the gods above have decided to punish me. Is it not enough that they have infected the good earth with Lindsay Lohan, Jana Pitman and the Hewitt-Cartwrights, that they have now gone and taken away my only morning joy (other than that other morning joy I receive daily courtesy of my new delivery of educational material from California).

The bastards have gone and removed the AMT coffee cart from Victoria station.

Apart from the fact that the coffee is the most decent cup available within a 10 mile radius, (in this big international city, who would think?) the coffee is made with ethical beans, meaning that communities haven't suffered because of the despicable plot by starbucks to take over the world with jugs of tepid lattes. (Barry Humphries refers to it not as coffee, but as 'brown drink').

So based on this argument, I propose that the gods really don't give a toss about us, if, in fact they exist at all.

Amen

5 wonderful things

I have been a little more than preoccupied lately.

It's been a difficult time. Work has been mental, my happy home life has been anything but, and I have been neglecting my health and fitness. Needless to say i have put on MORE weight, which doesn't actually make living life in the gay lane any easier.

The last 2 weeks have been particularly heinous. I got dragged in front of the GLA (Greater Londo Authority) becasue a schme i worked on failed planning because if insufficient play proviion. I was shattered that i had obviously fucked up so bad. Until i realised that it was because the guidance had changed in the time we had lodged the planning submission and the LM was just being "diligent" in regards to his brand new policy...

Then I had to go to Cyprus to present a masterplan scheme which I really needed to have dome a bit more work on, so i got a bit kaned.

The sense of working 70-80 hour weeks and still being behind the 8 ball really sux. Its obvious that there is a little too much on my plate right now.

In any case, today i had a good day. So in celebration I bought a bottle of champers, and would like to share with you the 5 good things that happened to me today.

1. I woke up without a hangover feeling refreshed and like I had had a good sleep. It's really something rare nowadays. Mum, it's not really - this is just poetic licence...

2. I found 3 new friends on facebook from Australia - I might just admit that I'm a little obsessed. Tell me, who isn't?

3. I actually had time today to finally lodge my expenses. I might actually be able to pay my credit card ths month.

4. I got a lovely card and photo of Jane and Adilsen from their wedding recently - if you recall, my dad had to give their speech - Im sad I missed the wedding, but so glad that I have at least 1 picture of SOMEONE from my family now.

5. I swam 70 laps at the Queen mother pool. This is only 1.75km, but considering I havn't swum ANY laps in over 8 months, I'm pretty happy about that.

So now im having a glass of champers and salad for dinner. Maybe this will be my staple diet for the next few months. Maybe i'll just do the champers.

Philippino prisoners doing Thriller

I dont know what is funnier here. The receeding hairline of the guy playing the female character, or the fact that this is by far more entertaining than the original.
you decide.

My Simpsons avatar

To celebrate the new Simpson's movie, I have decided to follow the trend and get myself a character. Its not easy to get a good likeness, as my friend David pointed out, and he is right. They dont have the ability to have designer man scaped stubble, nor is there the option for tattoos or body piercings.

 

Nothing in my way

A turning tide
lovers at a great divide
Why do you love
when I know that you hurt inside?

And why do you say
Its just another day
nothing in my way
i dont want to go
i dont want to stay
so there's nothing left to say

and why do you lie?
when you want to die
when you hurt inside
dont know what you lie for anyway

A TELL TALE SIGN
you dont know where to draw the line

And why do you say
Its just another day
nothing in my way
i dont want to go
i dont want to stay
so there's nothing left to say

and why do you lie?
when you want to die
when you hurt inside
dont know what you lie for anyway
now there's nothing left to say.

music and lyrics - Keane.